"It's like a shopping centre for necrophiliacs," I muttered to myself.incredibleinkpen

"It's like a shopping centre for necrophiliacs," I muttered to myself.

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I knew the marriage was over when I got home and greeted our pet parrot.

Welcome! This is a friendly place for those cringe-worthy and (maybe) funny attempts at humour that we call dad jokes. Often (but not always) a verbal or visual pun, if it elicited a snort or face palm then our community is ready to groan along with you. To be clear, dad status is not a requirement. We're all different and excellent. Some people are born with lame jokes in their heart and so here, everyone is a dad. Some dads are wholesome, some are not. It's about how the joke is delivered.

&quot;It&#39;s like a shopping centre for necrophiliacs,&quot; I muttered to myself.

I knew the marriage was over when I got home and greeted our pet parrot.

A man phones the doctors.

Will Ferrell was walking down the street in Berlin.

An unhappy customer walks into a shop, and says, &quot;I want to leave a note to your manager about how unprofessional and lacking in resources this place is!&quot;

&quot;Have you got any experience in computer-aided design?&quot; asked the job interview.

&quot;You&#39;ll have to excuse me,&quot; said our waiter, pouring my drink, &quot;it&#39;s my first day and I&#39;m a bit nervous.&quot; I could see that his hands were shaking.

I like to tell potential employers that I hardly ever make the same mistake twice.

I&#39;m a recovering addict.

A man goes to confess to his priest.

I went to an Erectile Dysfunction meeting.

&quot;I have been suffering from chronic bad breath recently,&quot; I told my dentist, &quot;is there anything you suggest I avoid?&quot;

&quot;I paid loads of money for a non-portable weapon support,&quot; I told my pal.

My boss pulled me into his office and said, &quot;Look, a few colleagues haven&#39;t been speaking very fondly of you recently.&quot;

&quot;See that sign over there?&quot; I asked the guy casually smoking a cigarette.

&quot;Please doctor,&quot; I said, shaking my unresponsiveness father. &quot;He needs your help!&quot;

&quot;Hello, are you any good at small talk?&quot; asked this random woman.

What does STEM stand for?

My girlfriend just covered her bedroom wall with posters of the 34th US president.

My daughter overcame her fear of needles by getting a huge snake tattoo on her face.

As I stubbed my toe on the table I thought to myself

I run a successful shop that sells chastity belts.

I used to work in a recruitment agency.

Crystal balls.

My neighbour said there&#39;s a scarecrow shop 200 miles away from my house.

"It's like a shopping centre for necrophiliacs," I muttered to myself.

An unhappy customer walks into a shop, and says, "I want to leave a note to your manager about how unprofessional and lacking in resources this place is!"

"Have you got any experience in computer-aided design?" asked the job interview.

"You'll have to excuse me," said our waiter, pouring my drink, "it's my first day and I'm a bit nervous." I could see that his hands were shaking.

I'm a recovering addict.

"I have been suffering from chronic bad breath recently," I told my dentist, "is there anything you suggest I avoid?"

"I paid loads of money for a non-portable weapon support," I told my pal.

My boss pulled me into his office and said, "Look, a few colleagues haven't been speaking very fondly of you recently."

"See that sign over there?" I asked the guy casually smoking a cigarette.

"Please doctor," I said, shaking my unresponsiveness father. "He needs your help!"

"Hello, are you any good at small talk?" asked this random woman.

My neighbour said there's a scarecrow shop 200 miles away from my house.